"Oh" and there it is, that disappointed tone in her voice "I pictured you as been more mature, quite portly and in a cardigan"
It's a funny thing, living up to expectations. Rather than being a pretty unremarkable 50 year old version of myself - she is surprised that I'm not the end result of some strange dietary experiment. You've probably noted I haven't mentioned pork in a while. I did a calculation and if I want to keep ahead of the calorific intake, I’ll need to run to Sydney each week.
I’m thinking of those years ahead, how I’ll be as a pre-retiree - I’m hoping for a slight stoop like Poopdeck Pappy only with teeth like Gary Busey - I wonder what message I'd send back to myself when I do get to the cardigan years.
My main message, surely, would be to look after yourself and don’t believe all that bunk about kale being a superfood. As a witty Facebook friend says, the only things that are super are heroes and phosphate.
I noted at the markets that kale has been transformed - much like Peter Parker when bitten by that radio-active spider - to a 'Super food'. You’ll buy a cold-pressed juice and it’ll have this list of ingredients – carrot, celery, ginger, beetroot and orange – but the star ingredient is kale. Even amongst this group, kale is the superhero needed to rescue the situation.
I look down from the kale to the display of decidedly un-super spinach. It must be thinking, with the same desperation as Popeye, ‘Oh, what am I? Some kinda barnicle on the dingy of life?’ And over there the brussels sprouts are inconsolable - I think people are watching me now as I play act the accents on all the green vegies – ‘Merde’ I think in a Jean-Claude Van Damme accent ‘but we tayste the same’
So what is it about food that needs to be declared ‘super’ to make it appealing? And is this accurate? Are they indeed in disguise like so many Clark Kents?
Needing to research the – supposed - superfood quality in kale, I rang my scientist friend.
After a pause, he rather gruffly admonished me to stop calling at three in the morning. If I ever call him again he'll call the police to reinstate that restraining order. And, for the 10th time, he is an astrophysicist and knows nothing about kale or super foods.
Anyway, Google directs me to many sites proclaiming the amazing qualities of kale.
They are vague at best, some websites professes to ten different health benefits from eating kale. It's a ‘nutritional powerhouse’ that is overflowing with antioxidants, only bettered by garlic, red cabbage and sweet potato. Even savoy cabbage, beets and arugula are all higher in antioxidant activity - suddenly it seems a little crowded in The Avengers room.
In fact - again believing websites as I do - let’s look at the ORAC value of kale. This is the oxygen radical absorbance capacity of food. It's like how much bad stuff they can absorb so your body doesn't. This is the main superpower entrusted to kale.
Above kale are dozens and dozens of common foods, including; a granny-smith apple and a glass of Zinfandel - not that common but any deeply coloured red wine will do. Peanut butter – yes, ground up peanuts - has twice the rating of kale. A chocolate bar has almost four times the antioxidant quality of kale and will taste a hell of a lot better.
So, who are you going call? Is it Captain Kale or Mighty Sumac with almost 200 times the ORAC score of kale?
Sure, drink your horrid kale shakes and be self-satisfied. Try to digest the indigestible, but an Indian curry has so much more juice to protect your body from free radicals. Eating kale, it seems to me, is like sending Christopher Pyne to fight General Zod, Thunderbolt Ross and Loki all at once, with just his princely wit.
What I'm trying to say is any vegetable will have the similar benefits. Making a cauliflower soup fortified with kale is fine but it won't be any better for you than if you use spinach or broccoli. In fact, adding a spoonful of ground spice increases the antioxidant qualities and flavour far more.
Here's a soup, stick some kale if it makes you feel better. Roasting it first will make the kale slightly more digestible but I hates it. As Popeye says, I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam.
Spiced cauliflower soup featuring kale
Ingredients
- 1 large head of cauliflower
- 2 tbsp olive oil
- 1 tbsp ground toasted spice: cumin, sumac, coriander
- 1 leek, chopped
- 1 onion, chopped
- 2 stalks celery
- 1 clove garlic chopped
- 40g butter
- 150ml milk
- 1l chicken stock
- salt
- 1 bunch curly kale (optional)
Method
Heat the oven to 200C. Cut off the florets and toss in olive oil and spice. Bake in oven until soft and charry. Chop up the heart of the cauliflower and sauté with the leek, onion, celery and garlic in the butter over a low heat so it doesn’t colour. Add the baked cauliflower, milk and enough stock to almost cover the brew. Cook this for another five minutes until it starts to break up a bit. Remove a cup of the cooking liquid and puree the soup. Add back the cooking liquid to get a nice thick, but not stodgy, soup and season.
If you’ve opted for the kale - and there’s nothing I can do to convince you otherwise - then carefully cut off the curly leaves from the thick stems. Toss all this in the bin. Ok, sorry, the leaves, brush them with olive oil and bake in a hot oven for a few minutes until they are crisp but not burnt.
Serve as a garnish to the soup, crushing them up will aid digestion ever so slightly. Are we clear on this? You can have a fine soup without kale.